For most of our marriage my ex-husband (39m) and I (37f) had a very happy relationship. We had good jobs, decent money, two kids and loved each other. Then he got diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and we went through years of painful treatments and recovery together.
We moved to a small house to be close to the research center where he underwent treatment. His parents paid half of the down payment on the house, the other half was from our savings and investments.
In the divorce he gave me the house and took all of his medical debt. We have been divorced a year, but now as cancer has come back and he needs treatment again at the same research hospital. He wants to stay in what is now my house while undergoing treatment and his parents expected me to house him and look after him because he was generous in letting me have the house without taking his rightful share from the equity.
When we were married and he was undergoing treatment, it was new stuff that was expensive and also very physically draining on him. We were lucky that both our jobs were supportive and flexible, but with his health issues, little kids and expenses, we had to downgrade our lifestyle a lot. That plus the physical changes in his body made him very depressed. Whenever he felt a bit better, he'd go stay in his hometown. It's a small town where most of his family and a lot of his childhood friends live.
I was doing all the care taking of him, while also dealing with insurance complications. I was also managing the kids, the entire household in my full-time job. We had help from friends and neighbors but it was very hard. I wasn't happy about him spending his healthy days away from us, but thinking it was good for his mental health I didn't feel like I could object.
While he was staying there he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend. A couple years ago he admitted to me that he was sleeping with her and I filed for divorce. He had fully recovered from his cancer by then there are other aspects around a cheating that left me very heartbroken and feeling betrayed. His giving me the house and taking all the debt was an apology of a sort.
But now his parents feel that I owe him for getting the house and should let him stay there for the two to three months his treatment is at the facility. I do want him to be well and I don't want my kids to lose a loving father. But I can't deal with having him around me, especially not if I end up being his nurse and caretaker again. As I'm still very bitter about how our marriage ended.
A lot of people close to me are telling me that I should support him for the sake of my kids. Would I be an a**hole if I say I can’t do that?
A few days later
My ex-in-laws picked up the kids for a zoo trip. They sometimes come to pick them up to entertain them and so I thought nothing of it. A few hours later a very teary eyed and contrite mother-in-law dropped off two bowling kids with me. She told them their dad is sick and will die if it doesn't stay with us and go to the hospital.
We hadn't had a talk with the kids yet about diagnosis and she dropped it on them that he is dying from cancer. He is not dying it's a painful treatment but he'll recover.
I was so furious I was raging. I called the ex and tore him one. He was shocked too that we together exploded at his mom. She broke down and cried begging me to not take away her grand kids from her, as if I trust her after this.
Ex and I together talk to the kids with him on video and assured them that yes he is sick but he'll be fine that he just needs to go to the hospital and they'll make him better like the last time he was sick. The kids settled after that but my oldest has been at me crying and begging to make dad come live with us. I promised them I'd talk to their dad and figure out what's the best thing to do.
I swallowed a lot of bile to talk to him about why he was doing this. We had a pretty long and detailed discussion. The bottom line is that he's broke, he still has a decent job but his credit is ruined, he has a lot of debt and he's typically got the cheapest insurance that barely covers anything.
Fiancée is no help either, she's worse off financially. So he needs a place to stay, he can't afford this otherwise. His parents are funding some of his medical payments and are already stretched. He was financially all right when we broke up so I have no idea what happened in such a short time.
Anyway, ex and his girlfriend moved into my daughter's room. My daughter happily gave it up to her dad and is sharing her little brother's room. Both kids are over the moon happy to have their dad in their home. My daughter keeps checking on him every few minutes to make sure he's still okay mother-in-law traumatized my kid and I'll never forgive that woman for this.
I let the girlfriend move in with him because I was too angry to care about who came to look after him as long as it wasn't me. I didn't know how I could bear having her in my home, but it appears to be more misery for her than me and that strangely makes it more tolerable for me. She is teary-eyed and crying all the time. It's only been three days but I am so annoyed I want to shake her and tell her to pull it together the current treatment plan is for three months and I am counting down the days.
I wasn't expecting things to go this way, but they played me by manipulating my kids. I’ll slowly pull myself and the kids away and move but for now I have to deal with this for my kids sake
Two weeks later.
So to add to that, ex treatment is coming along nicely. The tumors that grew again are much smaller than before and the new stuff that they're giving him is more directed to so he's not having as many bad symptoms as he had last time.
I had promised myself I would do nothing to help and I stayed away from both acts and his fiancé. But I did end up helping him deal with insurance. His fiancée has the personality of a wet noodle and cries all the time, it was easier for me to do it than deal with her struggling.
Ex is polite enough to me, but his personality has changed. He is a different person a not very nice towards his fiancé I didn't expect to but I feel sorry for her.
them any two if his birthday or Father's Day whilst he's with you go to town to get the kids to celebrate him his favorite thing everything from the time he was living with you then give him your most special home-cooked meal or baked goods for dinner the kids enjoy spoiling their dad and guess a reminder of what he lost
I haven't dated yet since the divorce. I want to but online dating scares me in my social life involves around my kids. I am pretending to have plans just so I am dressed and out and feel good about myself. I didn't leave the kids with them though. I managed to arrange a sleepover for kids with her friends on those nights.
I have been amazed by how much love and support my kids and I are receiving from our neighbors and friends. I told a few close people what's going on and I suppose most people now know. I have received a lot of offers to help, people can be kind.
We got invited to a camping trip on Easter weekend and I'm taking kids to that ex-mother-in-law was making noises about having the kids over but I've shut that down.
Thank You!
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