My sister-in-law is a bit of an introvert who hasn't had much success dating. She was in a long-term relationship for about three years, but her ex broke it off and she still hasn't found anyone since (this was about four years ago). She's gone on some dates over the years but nothing seems to work out and this has been frustrating for her.
A couple weeks ago, she found a guy on tinder and they went out on a date to a restaurant. She said the date went okay and I don't know all the details but apparently this guy has money. He owns his own business, he picked her up in a BMW and they went to a really fancy place for their first date (personal aside: this all seems very odd to me from a match on tinder).
So my wife (29 f) was asking more about the date and I got the impression she wasn't physically attracted to him. My sister-in-law likes tall guys and he isn't very tall and he's a little overweight. She showed us his instagram and he's an all right looking dude but I could tell she was kind of meh on his physical appearance overall.
Last week they go on another date. My wife and i were at my mother-in-law's (52f) house when she got back (she lives at home) and tells us how the date went. Again they go to a pretty fancy restaurant and apparently it was a carbon copy of their prior date (which seems weird I'm not 100% sure what that means, I guess they had the same conversations?? these were her words), and she was obviously less enthused by this last date.
My wife asks if she's going to see him again and she said maybe I ask if she sees a future with him and she says maybe, but since he has money she wants to try and make it work. I was shocked by this answer and I was even more shocked that my wife or mother-in-law didn't say anything to her about this kind of attitude. I said “Sister-in-law that's not nice if you're not attracted to him you shouldn't just use him for fancy dinners.”
This didn't start an argument exactly, but she didn't appreciate my comment and it kind of soured the evening so we left shortly after. My wife and I got into it when we got home, and she told me I should mind my own business. I said it's f**ked up that she's only interested in seeing him more because he has money. If she had that kind of attitude about me when we first started dating we may have not ended up together.
She said I was making a lot of assumptions about her intentions but how can i be making assumptions when it came right out of her mouth. This went on and on for a bit and this is still a lingering issue between us.
I feel like I've become slightly red pilled or something, because the more i stew on this, the more it's pissing me off and I'm really contemplating reaching out to him about this. I don't know him like that and I am aware this might be a bit excessive, but if I was in his situation I would be very grateful if somebody with inside information let me know, I'm not sure if I should do this.
Days Later
I have come to find out that my mother-in-law did agree with what I said to my sister-in-law but she knew that if she made a comment about it that my sister-in-law would have gotten very upset. My mother-in-law told my wife she was actually going to talk about it more with my sister-in-law after my wife and I left that night but since I made my comment, she felt like it was hard to bring it up again without looking like we (by we I mean my mother-in-law and I we're “ganging up” on her.
My wife also told me that she doesn't think my sister-in-law should keep seeing him either if she's really only interested because he has money. Apparently, my wife didn't like the way i expressed my opinion and was just happy that sister-in-law was putting herself out there again. The fact my wife didn't tell me this the night we argued about it and was making up a bunch of other BS is another frustrating situation.
The reason this came up again is because my sister-in-law and this guy went on another date this past Friday. There's a group chat with me, my sister-in-law mother-in-law and my wife and the three of them have their own group chat my sister-in-law talked about it on their group chat, so I'm assuming she still annoyed at me so he takes her out to dinner again, and this time apparently he's being super flirty (some context here my sister-in-law is not a great conversationalist so i think what's happening here is he's complimenting her she's just saying “thanks” and the convo stops there this is relative for the next part).
Her hand was on the table and the guy put his hand on hers, which she pulled back and took her hand off the table (this was referred to as him “being too handsy” in the chat). He apologized and she said it was fine (I don't think she told him why she reacted like that).
The rest of the date went ‘normal’ I suppose after that and when he dropped her off home, he didn't get out of the car and walk her to the front door, he just said bye and left. (He had walked her to the front door the first two times). The next day he texted her and apologized again for being too forward with her.
She didn't respond and she told my wife and mother-in-law that she's not going to see him anymore. My wife is of the belief she's just upset right now and she might change her mind in a couple of days.
So this saga has seemingly reached its end I'm all but certain I'm secretly being blamed for this because I opened my mouth, which is whatever. I'm not a mind reader so I had no way of knowing how my wife and mother-in-law felt at the time we all heard her logic for continuing the relationship. I am very aware she is super sensitive and does not take any form of detraction or criticism well but there are some subjects people need to hear straight up and i believe this is one of them.
Thank You!
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