I know I'm a monster, I (32m) am not here for forgiveness or advice, nor do I care about any condemnation from anyone. I am cold-hearted and evil, nothing you say will affect me in any way.
Maybe this is more of a warning? That there are people like me out there. It's been about three years since my D-Day. My wife (33f) had started to act shady and I was researching methods to monitor her phone and computer, I wanted to try to gather some solid evidence.
While I was doing that, I opened the letter I got the day before. In it what's a speeding ticket, together with a picture of my wife in her car with the co-worker I was suspicious about. Examining the date I soon figured out this what's a time she was supposed to be at a work seminar. So there was no longer any doubt about what was going on.
The following Friday my wife had her usual 3-4 glasses of wine to wind down from the week's work. I put half a crushed sleeping tablet in her last glass and she was out cold. Yes, I drugged her to find out the truth I don't apologize for it.
I open her phone with her thumbprint and started going through it. I installed spyware and downloaded everything. There wasn't anything conclusive there, except for some strange messages back and forth with her co-worker always talking about some presentation. It looked like they were presenting stuff 24/7. I figured there must be something else, maybe a different app or maybe a separate phone? I looked everywhere, finally I found a phone in the glove box of her car I opened it the same way and this was the mother load of evidence. Again I copied everything and installed spyware.
I woke up the kids 4 and 6, I left the two phones on the table in front of her with a Post-It note simply saying “I know everything”. I took the kids to my parents told them what was going on and that I would be gone for a while.
Since I had been suspicious of my wife, I had already lined up a lawyer new bank accounts and so on. Over the next week I prepared for the inevitable confrontation by getting all the paperwork ready for several eventualities. I had one set of papers for a clean-cut divorce, a post-nup, in case we ended up discussing reconciliation, and so on.
The pain of the situation was unbearable, but I knew what this was I knew what I needed to do. I could not show any weakness or doubt, I had to be in control. Over the course of the week my wife was panicking more and more, hundreds of messages and missed calls, and she would get everybody around her to try to call me as well. I simply ignored all of it, I put the phone in a drawer and got on with what I knew I had to do.
When I was ready I sent a message to my wife that I would be over to talk in the afternoon. When I arrived she was an absolute mess. As soon as I came through the door, she fell to her knees in front of me and begged for a second chance and forgiveness. I was having none of it, I pulled my legs from her grip, and just said let's sit and talk. It probably took her good 15 minutes to make it to the kitchen table, I showed no emotion.
As soon as she was seated, she noticed I was not wearing my wedding ring. Then I gave her the documents for divorce, she broke down for 20 minutes just sobbing. I said nothing, when she was finally able to speak again she said she would do anything, anything to save our marriage. I pulled the divorce papers back and gave her the post-nap, she was sobbing again.
I read slowly through my copy. Basically it said I could divorce her for any reason I deemed fit. She would get nothing from me. She will get half or what she was entitled to but no child support, no alimony none of my pension and none of my savings. Custody would be 50 50. She signed it right away.
I told her she should probably get a lawyer and run the agreement by them before she gave it back to me. She said she didn't need to. I told her if she wanted to change something, that I was open for discussing it the next two weeks. I never actually used the spyware for anything, but I have been able to verify that she has never again been in contact with her affair partner.
Then I told her she had to write down a complete timeline and that I knew almost everything. If I caught her in a lie or omission, now or at a later date, the outcome would be immediate divorce. I gave her a week to type it out and left. A week later she sent me a large file to detail everything, including her excuses and justifications. I told her to get ready to go out, I printed out a hard copy went over to our house to pick her up.
I drove her straight to her affair partner's house and parked in the driveway. She was in total panic at this point asking me what we were doing there. I gave her the hard copy and told her “you were going to go confess what you've done to his wife.”
She started hyperventilating, I don't remember exactly what it is she said but it was something along the lines of “I can't do this to him” or something like that. I took back the hard copy back, started the car and drove down the road of 5-6 blocks to the closest bus stop.
At this point I was so angry I was fuming. I commanded her to get the F*** out of the car. She refused, saying “let's talk,,, please!,, we can work this out!” I guess my facial expression said it all. She shut up and stared at me, she didn't know what to do.
I told her very calmly “You just had the choice between your affair partner and your family! And you just chose your AP(Affair Partner). It's not like I'm leaving you beaten and bloody in a ditch, this is a bus stop. You're a grown ass woman I'm sure you can figure it out... Now get the F*** out of the car!.” My tone really left no wiggle room, she got out and asked what happens now? I just drove off so hard that it slammed the door shut. I turn around and drove straight back to the AP’s house.
I could see my wife starting to run towards me and I could hear her yelling in the distance as she understood what was going on. I was going to tell the affair partner's wife. It turns out his wife was five months pregnant, she started crying loudly when she read my wife's timeline. Her husband came running around the corner only to freeze for a second before he bolted through the house and out the back door as soon as he recognized me.
His wife later divorced him and really did a number on him in court. Anyway at home my wife was panicking and begging while I packed some things and left. On the way out I told her that her confessing to the wife was a test. It was a test to see if she was over her AP and if she really took ownership of what she had done. She failed the test, and now that I had told his wife. My wife's chance to make me consider if reconciliation was even possible that chance was gone and there was no way of turning back time. As a result of her adultery, we would divorce.
I rented a small cheap house outside of town. More of a cabin actually, it had a water heater and lights but very little electrical heating. The main heat source was one of those cast iron fireplaces. It was in the middle of winter with minus 15 degrees Celsius at night so I pretty much had to keep the fire going where the house would get very cold. Over the next few days in the cabin, my mind just crashed, I started drinking very heavily.
Even soaked in alcohol the pain was simply unbearable. At one point I decided to end it I loaded my shotgun put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger with my toe. It just went click the goddamn shell was a Dud. I drank even harder after that, the next few days are sort of a blur. A few days later. When I woke up, in a pool of my own puke, blood and waste. I had a concussion, I also had terrible pain in my arm and chest. I was hypothermic, and severely dehydrated.
It took me a minute to figure out that I had fallen on top of my whiskey bottle and smashed it. Glass chars was sticking out of my arm and chest, when I finally made it to the bathroom I saw I had a dark purple black eye so I probably banged my head on the floor pretty badly.
My wife was still listed as my emergency contact, and I guess someone called her at some point. She was there when I woke up, she was talking constantly I said nothing, not a single word.
I went back to my little frozen cabin and spent the next three weeks healing up. During this time I started to realize that something was seriously broken inside of me, I didn't really feel anything. I didn't even miss or feel love for my kids.
Eventually I moved back into the guest room. My wife started going to church and became a devout Christian. I sort of continued to exist in limbo, I felt no connection to anybody. Started counseling tried various prescription drugs, all kinds of treatments I even tried acupuncture nothing helped.
One evening I went out to get out of the house there was a group of women at the restaurant. They were clearly on a girls night out or something. We got to talking one of them was flirting pretty heavily with me. I could see from the indentation on her finger that she normally had a wedding ring, so I knew she was married. We ended up at a hotel doing the deed.
While she was asleep I opened her phone she had face ID. It didn't take me long to confirm she was married a family with three kids. I copied her husband's contact details took a selfie of the two of us in bed. I got dressed and I sent a picture to her husband along with a message apologizing but I also lied and told him his wife had told me that this wasn't the first time she did this.
Then I woke her up and told her what I've done. The pain in her eyes, the panic, finally I felt something. It was terrible, but at least I felt something. When I came home I told my wife what I had done I told her in a way where I tried to hurt her as much as possible. Again the pain on her face, I felt something again. I felt terrible, but at least I felt something.
Now I do this on a regular basis every 3 to 4 weeks I go out, pick up a married woman that wants to cheat for some reason. I've become really good at gathering the evidence, often I get video of it. Sometimes I will turn it into an affair that lasts for weeks but in the end I always present the evidence to their husbands.
I don't know how many families have broken up at this point, I know it's evil. But I just can't help myself it's compulsive, I can't stop myself. I always also hurt my wife, on purpose every single time. Either I tell her as painfully as possible or I will leave a used condom wrapper in my pocket.
I have even had some of the women write me love notes that I intentionally left in my pocket for my wife to find.
I've had a few more suicide attempts over the years, but I just can't do it. At one point an angry husband pulled a gun and aimed it at my head, I put my forehead on the muscle, smiled and asked him to please do me the favor. But he never pulled a trigger, he just started crying.
My existence is torture, and I just don't have the strength to end it. I am still married and I know what I am doing is wrong on every level. I don't know how I ended up like this, the doctors don't seem to have a diagnosis for me.
Either my wife's affair broke me on a fundamental level or maybe I killed off part of my brain when I smashed it into the floor in that cabin. Anyways I know I can't really blame my wife for this at this point. I can blame her for the beginning but my continued general shittiness is on me. I can't really change it at this point I hope to be able to at some point in the future.
Thank You!
Comments
Post a Comment