My sister doesn't want my boyfriend at her wedding because her brother-in-law is infatuated with me and I punched her in the face. Don’t know what to do now.
I met my boyfriend in college 7 years ago, and we started dating 5 years ago. He is super close and loving with my family. He was there at my niece's births, baptisms, Christmas, vacations etc. We are extremely committed to each other for the long run, but don't want to get married until we are financially stable and both our careers are where we want them to be.
My sister has been with her fiancé for 2 years and engaged for 6 months. My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed. She just wanted to be married. I have never cared if I got married or not, as long as I have a good career and a happy relationship I'm fine.
In the beginning of her relationship, she tricked me into going on a double date with her fiancé and his brother. She had said it was dinner with her and a friend, and it was most definitely not. The brother kept making passes at me the whole time and I told him I had a boyfriend and the whole situation made me uncomfortable.
At their engagement party my boyfriend noticed that a brother wouldn't stop staring at me and we tried our best to avoid him. Every time I have seen this guy, he has been weird towards me.
Now my sister wanted me, my twin (fraternal), and two brothers in her wedding. The wedding is supposed to be next month in the beginning of May. My sister told me that I'm going to be walking down the aisle with her fiancé's brother. I told her that makes me uncomfortable and I thought I would be walking with my own brother.
Apparently, this is something her fiancé is insisting and she wants to make him “happy”. Seems like a pretty weird thing to insist, and I know it's some scheme between the two brothers. My other siblings also thought it was weird and voiced their objections to our sister. She got upset and said this is her wedding and she'll do what she wants.
I told my boyfriend this and he was upset for me. He's confident enough in himself that he knows this guy would never be competition, but he knows how uncomfortable I am with the situation.
The other day we had family dinner at my mom's house. I took this as an opportunity to bring up the aisle situation with my mother around. My sister got extremely upset and started crying saying I was trying to ruin her marriage. I was so confused, as was everyone else and tried to explain that it makes me and my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable.
She then said that I can't bring my boyfriend to her wedding anymore, and if I do that I'm no longer a bridesmaid. She gave no reason as to why I can't bring him and my siblings were just as upset considering they like my boyfriend a lot better than my sister's fiancé. I thought I would give her a few days to calm down and rethink but she has not changed her mind.
My 19-year old brother's girlfriend is still invited to the wedding. My boyfriend is an incredible guy and has been nothing but kind and generous to my sister. His feelings are hurt but he still wants me to go to the wedding I think my sister is being an unreasonable a-hole and I will be pretty angry at the wedding if my life partner is not there with me.
Being her bridesmaid is something I can live without, so should I bring my boyfriend or go without him. Or should I demand that my boyfriend be allowed to come to her wedding and that she's being super unfair? I love my sister but I don't understand why she's forcing some silly requests by her creepy brother-in-law. I don't know what to do and my family's no help either.
So I went to my parents house with my brothers and told them about everything the brother-in-law has done that makes me super uncomfortable and how my sister is disrespecting my relationship.
My dad was pretty angry about the date stunt that she pulled and is on my side. My mom, however, says that I need to try and resolve this with her because if I am not part of the wedding party “people will talk”. I honestly don't care about what extended family has to say.
My mom called the family meeting and told my sister and my twin to come to the house. My dad asked her why I was no longer walking with my brother, to which she responded saying that it's what her fiancé wants and she just wants to make him happy. I pressed the issue asking why is this such a big deal for me to walk with them and that is super weird and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to assault me.
That really pissed her off. She started crying and yelling saying a bunch of BS how this is all she's ever wanted and we're trying to ruin her special day, blah blah blah. I was tired of arguing and just straight up said I'll go to the wedding as a guest then I'm leaving before the reception. My twin and younger brother took my side and said they don't want to be in the wedding party either if I'm not.
This made my sister lose her freaking mind. She was screaming now calling me a bunch of names; a b***h, c**t, w***re, and also calling my boyfriend names.
I decided to leave and let my parents calm her down, but before I could walk out she ran at me and yanked my hair (still screaming). She wouldn't let go, so I yanked hers too and she let go. She has six tensions and apparently I messed them up and ripped some hair out. She tried to grab me again so I hit her in the face I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me.
So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek and missing some hair. She's absolutely livid because her bachelorette parties next week. My mom is mad at me, but my dad is not. My sister is now saying that she's going to press charges against me can she actually do that or is she just trying to scare me.
She is also pissed off because my other siblings won't be in the wedding. She told my mom if I apologize to her and agreed to be in the wedding, she'll let me walk with my brother. I feel like that as BS and she will still make me walk with a brother-in-law last minute at this point I feel like it's not worth a trouble and I just don't want to go at all.
My mom and dad want me to do what she asks because they're paying for the wedding and wants all their kids there. My twin and younger brother said they'll do whatever I want to do, but I don't think I should be the reason they don't go. My boyfriend feels like he started all this drama when none of it is his fault. My sister believes I ruined her wedding when she ruined it herself and I don't know what to do.
So options are go to the wedding as a guest, be in the wedding or not go at all. My parents will be upset if I don't go and I really don't want any more tension but she disrespected me in my relationship. As soon as this wedding is over I am going to limit my contact with her for a while.
Before the wedding.
Some people ask if race is an issue and it's not. My family is French and Puerto Rican. My boyfriend is Italian and my sister's fiancé is just white I don't know what his ethnicity is. There was also some confusion about my siblings. I am one of five kids my twin is a girl, I guess that got misunderstood when I said two girls two guys I meant that besides my sister getting married there was four of us walking down the aisle. I kept saying twin instead of sister so she wouldn't get confused with the one getting married my sister is second oldest.
Also don't think money is an issue either. My family's not rich just middle class. The reason her wedding is getting paid for and not mine is because she didn't go to college and I did. They paid for majority of my tuition and I don't want a big fancy wedding either. Some people also ask why they don't revoke their money from her for this behavior it's because the wedding has already been paid for for a while so there's no getting their money back.
My sister did have a black high still at her bachelorette party and changed the venue to a darker place and she wore lots of makeup. My twin, brothers, me and boyfriend just went to the club that night instead and had a fabulous time and got trashed. I heard from her friend that she was telling everyone she got hit with a car door and not my fist.
My sister has always been a bit unhinged. When she was in high school her and my twin used to fight all the time. Every breakup my sister has ever had she has broke down and shut down completely and felt her life is over. I've seen this since she was 12. I used to get in lots of arguments with my parents over them excusing her behavior which ultimately made me decide to go to college across the country during college I rarely talk to her. When I came back home she had matured and our relationship has been good for a while. She still occasionally has huge meltdowns over small things like this wedding.
I also sent my future brother-in-law text asking why him and his brother are so obsessed with me to which she didn't respond to so. Me and my dad went down to his place and he said my sister was the one who kept telling him that I was interested and would leave my boyfriend. So I don't even know which one of them came up with his plan. My dad just got mad and told him to leave me and my boyfriend to heck alone.
So I have told my sister to go to therapy for years and she's refused. I tried to have my mom see if she can get her to go to family therapy with me and she also refused but she said she would talk with me and my mom. When her and her fiancé first started dating, she brought him to work New Year's party and he brought his brother and I also attended. This was her first boyfriend that had shown any interest in getting married one day.
I guess the brother had said he found me very attractive and my sister instantly jumped the gun on that. She told him that I was not in a serious relationship(I had been with my boyfriend for three years at a time) and says he had a strong chance with me and he is ‘just my type’ (wrong). So has been under the impression that my boyfriend is just a placeholder which is extremely not the case. He's just as delusional as my sister.
This made no sense to me why she did this because my twin is single. We are fraternal so we don't look the same and we're different heights with very different personalities but she's still a very pretty girl, and single. My sister has expressed some jealousy for my relationship over the years so that could be a factor in her trying to break us up. She's always made comments about how she'll never have what I have with my boyfriend.
About a month ago (right before her ultimatum) she found out she's pregnant which I didn't know and she thinks if she doesn't make this brother thing happen then her fiancé will leave her and being a single mom is more frightening for her than her family hating her. It's still early enough that she does have other options but she's committed to this for some reason. This was an intense conversation and also talked about other things so this was all I could get out of her before my patients ran out.
I did kinda snap on her and said some things along the lines of “sorry you're so pathetic that you dates any guy who looks at you and you still can't find a good relationship that I can... you will be divorced before labor…”. Yes it was a little mean but I was very heated in the moment and and wanted to say something worse.
My boyfriend is very adamant about us going to the wedding despite all the BS my sister is putting him through. My boyfriend doesn't have close relationship with his siblings and has always loved being a part of this family. He wants me to maintain a relationship with mine so I don't regret it later. He's still hurt though that my sister has been going through these Great Lengths to get him out of the picture I've tried to reassure him the best I can that everyone still loves him and I always will.
We're going for the ceremony as guests and leaving as soon as they say I do. My two brothers and twin sister are walking together as trio. We took wedding pictures together at a park so our parents could have something of all of us (and we looked good). They haven't decided yet if they're staying for the whole wedding but they're gonna feel it out. My older brother is staying the whole time so we can watch the brother and ‘have some words with him’.
A lot of people said to have my boyfriend propose at her wedding but I don't care enough to deliberately try and ruin her wedding. That will not make the situation better in the slightest and I honestly don't ever want a public proposal and I think that's super tacky. Me and my boyfriend have just been enjoying ourselves and not worrying about any of this BS.
I'm not worried about my sister attacking me again and if she does I can easily kick her butt. She can't fight at all which is why I don't know why she messed around in the first place. Also some people ask isn't it incest of sisters date brothers but it is not at all and I have cousins who are married to sisters not excusing the behavior just saying that's not it at all.
After the wedding
I showed up in my bridesmaid dress because I wasn't gonna go and buy another one and it's a very nice dress. Me and my boyfriend try to go in as late as we could to limit the amount of family asking me why I'm not in the wedding. A few aunts and uncles ask and I just said my sister lost her mind and to ask her. I tried to stay with some cousins who I told what happened and know how my sister is an occasional nutcase. The ones who knew that my boyfriend's invite was revoked were angry considering some of their plus ones were just dates.
We sat in the front row where my sister, her husband and a brother could see me with my very serious, handsome, amazing, loving boyfriend. He held my hand the whole time and made sure I was okay. This wedding just confirmed me not wanting a big wedding. We can have a party at most it was only once that a brother was staring at me and I quickly shut that down by kissing my boyfriend.
As soon as they all walked back down the aisle I said my goodbyes to the people that deserved it and we left. We went to a bar and danced and had a good time. I'm glad I went to the wedding so I can say I told you so when this marriage ends in six months. I'm glad that delusional sow saw me kissing the man I love because that will never be him.
My twin had quite a few drinks at the wedding and was being very mouthy with my sister. I didn't ask her to say anything but she would have done that with or without booze. My younger brother told almost every family member that my sister went crazy on me and that's why I wasn't at a reception. My older brother did talk to the brother-in-law but I don't know what he said. I didn't ask many other questions and this is just what they told me.
I feel really bad for my sister honestly. She baby trapped herself with a subpar bottom feeder. That man has zero qualities that would make me jump through all these hoops. He has the personality of an Adidas sandal. I wish my sister had more self-respect and raised her standards.
I don't know much about their relationship and if he's abusive. I would like to think that she at least has that much respect for herself to not put up with that. Maybe they're in love, maybe he's using her who knows. This marriage may not last but she's now attached to him for at least the next 18 years. While I sort of get her reasoning for not wanting to be a single mom. My brother is a single dad and doing just fine.
I don't plan on talking to her for quite a while. I don't know how things turned out for them for not getting me with a brother after prying they still wouldn't give me clear answers so I don't know how serious the husband actually is about his loser brother getting laid. Those brothers were either neglected or breastfed till they were teens.
I was already going on vacation this summer with my boyfriend but I might extend it now who knows may even get married in France for fun and giggles. Anyway thanks for all the support sorry that this ending wasn't as dramatic as you all wanted it to be. I'm not expecting an apology I honestly don't care anymore and just want to move on with my life and be happy and not deal with any more psycho behavior. I'm just glad that I haven't received any messages from brother-in-law or my mom and that have a great man.
Thank You!
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