I'm a beautician (f35) married to an engineer (m34). He is very intelligent and I'm always proud of him. He has a colleague who is also very intelligent (f31), obviously, that he is close to. Before the events that led me to this moment of seeking help online, I never had any reason to be uncomfortable about his relationship with her. I always felt secure in our relationship. We're both independent people who would just leave if we weren't happy together. We've been together for five years, married for one and a half years.
My husband and I were on a three-day trip with my husband's colleagues. A tradition at his work every Autumn. We came home yesterday morning. I had a bad taste in my mouth after this trip. It felt like me and a colleague's partner (m35) where the third and fourth wheel to my husband and his colleague during the entire trip. During dinner, the second night. I was sitting silently playing with my food after almost two days of being ignored. The partner was also silent that from first but we started talking a bit asking each other generic questions.
He colleague who was in a very loud argument with my husband (more of a back and forth teasing) suddenly turned around and asked what we do her (partner and me) were up to talking quietly. Her partner said that we were just getting to know each other since they (husband and colleague) were too busy talking about things we knew nothing about. The colleague laughed and said: What could we discuss with you? Makeup and Kim Kardashian, and she nodded towards me. We have more intelligent things to discuss.
I was dumbfounded. I guess because I'm a beautician I can only discuss Kim Kardashian? I mean any outsider to any profession would be dumb listening into two people discussing work-related subjects. They could have been as ignorant if I was talking to my co-workers about our job. My husband just left and the partner said, that's rude. I said nothing because I had to stay for the whole situation. On the last day of the trip I spent most of my time with a partner ignored the other two.
Yesterday evening the partner DMed me and wanted to talk about our significant others. He said that he has been feeling uncomfortable about his girlfriend's relationship with my husband and that he went through her messages. He sent me screenshots where my husband and his colleague are basically calling me stupid and shallow and laugh about it.
Well mostly the colleagues saying mean things that my husband laughing and adding in. Sometimes he would say something like, ‘no I love her (about me)’ and she would answer. “You only like banging hot dumb chicks, and they laugh. When the texts aren't about my stupidity, they're about work and in one of them my husband wrote “I love your brain” to her.
I started crying when I saw the screenshots. Never have I ever felt so self-conscious about my brain or profession. I love my job and I thought my husband loved it too or at least didn't have this disdain for it. I've been my own boss for over 10 years that I make close to six figures. I never thought myself as a dumb person. I like to think that I'm fairly well informed and I have passion for history, languages, cultures, etc but yes I'm not an engineer working on some design for artificial hearts. Still the texts complementing the colleague, hurts me more than the ones making fun of me. I don't know why.
I think my husband and his colleague are out of line at best and, well probably screwing. I still don't know what to do. The last thing I want to be is the insecure wife. If he isn't happy with me why is he here?
I have talked to my husband. I just told him that I have talked to work wife's boyfriend and showed him the messages I was sent. My husband asked me why her boyfriend was spying on his girlfriend and I told him that it was because he didn't like the way things went down on a trip. I told him how I too was very uncomfortable.
He was very confused and told me that work wife obviously was jealous and that I shouldn't care about her. I told him that she didn't bother me as much as the fact that he was fine, no, amused by her attempts to bring me down entire time. So much in fact that her boyfriend was so uncomfortable that it went through her phone. I also asked him why he was letting her trash talk to me in their texts.
Again he insisted that he just felt that she was petty and jealous I didn't want to stoop to her level. He said that I did the same when I ignored her rudeness but he thought that was the classy thing to do. I asked him why she was doing this. Was there anything between them and to please tell me now before it got more complicated. He said of course not that if there was something from her and then that wasn't his problem because he loved me and so on and so forth. I asked him about him “loving her brain” and he said it was strictly about something work related and offered to show me the conversation.
Next day I was still brooding, so he came to me, kissed me and apologized and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him. He promised to do better. I told him that if somebody was trashing you like this in front of me, no matter how Petty their reasons were or how pathetic I thought they were, I would have hated them and never want them in my life. Unfortunately I started crying then and he told me that he was so sorry. That was on Sunday.
That was when she got nastier towards me. So you knew she had a thing for you and he said yes. I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her. He said it was because he was embarrassed. He didn't tell me when the kiss happened and now he was afraid I would think it was more than what it was.
I asked him to move out it is currently at his mother's. He keeps saying that there's nothing between them. That he loves me and would never cheat on me. That he will make her come clean to me. That he will quit his job and never see her again. I'm just so heartbroken right now and all I want to do is cry.
He also told me he could prove that it was she who came on to him because it happened at the office cafeteria and there are surveillance cameras and that he could request a clip from that day.
My husband showed up at my work today. He said that he has never felt so scared in his life like when he realized that he was losing me. He has contacted a boyfriend, apologized to him and asked him to forward all the text between him and work wife he printed them and gave me everything over a year's worth of texting. He told me when work wife confessed to her boyfriend. She sent a text about admitting to kiss to her boyfriend (the text I got a screenshot of). My husband panicked and deleted the whole conversation but now he got everything from the boyfriend and I could read it.
He also had brought a picture with him of him when he was young 12-13ish with a girl. He said he searched this picture now that he's living with his mom. He told me that it was his favorite cousin and that she ended herself when they were 16. She was bullied severely. I never heard my husband talk about this cousin. I I know her mom from his family but never that they were closer that her death devastated him. He said that he still wasn't ready to discuss her but that now he needed to.
He admitted that when work wife started working for them August 2021 he immediately bonded with her because she reminded him of his cousin. Both goofy funny and extremely intelligent. They even looked alike little (kind of true). The bond got stronger when work wife told him about her tough childhood and how she was bullied throughout school. How she suffered and contemplated ending it all.
My husband said that it felt like he got his cousin back. Work wife knew that my husband was married (newly wed actually) and it didn't seem to be a problem for her in the beginning. He admitted that he sensed that she was falling for him very soon but that he never really confronted her about it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.
When she saw me in the picture she got very angry with him and said that she was very disappointed in him. Because I looked at the type that would bully people like her and my husband in high school. she was disappointed and asked him what he saw in me. He told her that he loved me but she was Sour afterwards accusing him of being shallow. He asked her to give me a chance at a Christmas party.
She didn't change her opinion however. He wasn't bothered that she disliked me because he thought that she was just jealous. He knew that she was decided on not giving me a chance and that was fine with him. He thought that this would be one of the things they will have to disagree on.
He is still adamant that he never kissed her back it is adamant about getting the recording of that party. He said he pushed her and after the party, he had a fight with her about boundaries and confronted her about her feelings. He told her that they could no longer be friends now that she had crossed the line. We went on a five-week vacation the day after that party Eddie said that if I read a text from that time I would find that she had apologized several times asking for forgiveness, begging him not to ditch her as a friend.
After a summer their relationship was trained but they eventually became closer again. He said he doesn't know why he felt like she needed him in her life like he needed his protection. He always thought about being put In harm's way and he couldn't stand the thought. He swore it was never romantic or sexual. He admitted that he loves her like a friend or like if his cousin was still around.
He told me that he has handed his resignation and will be seeking new jobs. He's realized that he has to let work wife go. He admitted that he even now is worried about her. She is losing both her boyfriend and him, but that he needs to remind himself that she is a grown-up woman and not a 16 year old cousin. She'll be fine. And about my fears that he loves me for how I look, he said that he is sorry if he ever made me feel that way and that it is far from the truth. When he thinks about us, he sees us growing old together and that prospect feels his heart with more love and joy.
I saw the recording too, he does back off looked angry and left and she ran after him.
Thank You.
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