I'm (m32) proposed to my fiancé (f39) two months ago and she said yes. I love her with all my heart. She's very sweet and intelligent and drop dead hot. Only problem that we were facing was that I haven't met her family because she has not had any contact with them for 20 years and for my family that's a red flag. Mom suggested to me that since we are engaged now they're my family too so we contacted them.
her mom was so sweet and she started crying the moment I introduced myself. Her father is also very kind. They talked to me about her childhood how wonderful and kind she always been and it's made a lot of sense what she turned up to be. I thanked them for raising such a beautiful human.
I kept in touch with them and I soon met all her siblings. She has three then I introduced them to my family and I was happy they got along. Mom suggested them that the next step is to invite my future in-laws to my parents house and take my fiance there so she could finally work on the dispute that she had with them. She never told me and when we asked her parents they didn't know either.
When she got there she screamed “what are they doing here!” and ran out. I have never heard her raise her voice like this before. I ran after her but she just drove off. I went back and apologized her mom was crying her eyes out and so were her sisters her dad and brother looked cut up.
When I went home she was crying and packing. She told me that she needed to move out and that she was staying with her friends. I also started crying and ask her to tell me what happened. When she was 18 her brother (19 at a time) violated her best friend's little sister (then 17). He apparently had feelings for this girl for years but she never was interested so one New Year party he waited until she was very drunk and forced himself on her.
He later boasted about how he finally had her and now can move on. He got away with it even when everybody knew he did but there was no evidence. My fiance tried everything to help convict him because she was the one who overheard him boasting to his friends and discuss what he did to that girl. My fiance's family did everything to protect him and a year later the girl ended herself.
That broke my fiancee who still suffers from severe depression. She said the indifference in her family's reaction when they found out about a girl's fate still makes her blood freeze in her veins. She knew she could never forgive them. The way she was talking, is like this happened yesterday. I felt sick and I wished I didn't have to ask. I have seen her brother and how proud her parents are of their only boy who successful and a father of two.
I apologized and begged her to stay. Told her that if she had told me all this before. I would never have brought them back to her life she said that I should have trusted her judgment since I always boasted about how kind and just she was.
She called me later and told me that she couldn't do this anymore. Today she left the ring while I was at work and took the last of her stuff. I felt like my world has turned upside down. Tell me what I should do to make her forgive me. She's so angry with me and my family and I totally understand her. Mom says that my fiance is being over dramatic now and all this has happened so long ago and we should all move on since her family still loved and wanted her back. I don't know what to do.
A day later.
Good morning. What a rough night I had. I have called my fiance before breakfast. I told her that I love her more than she even knows and that I know she loves me. That I never in a million years thought people who loved each other this much would break up.
I apologized and promised to make it up to her for the rest of my life if she gave me a second chance. I told her we can move away from our families but I promised her that it would be the two of us from now on. Nobody will have a say in how we live our lives but us. She was crying the whole time and I must admit that I'm not a crier myself but I haven't stopped crying since yesterday. I hope she gives me a new chance to make it up to her.
I hurt her badly and I can't even describe how much I regret my actions. The only thing I can say is that it was never intentionally done to hurt her I thought I was doing something good.
We are no longer together. She said that she couldn't come back from this and that she wanted to be alone now. I told her that I love her like I never loved anyone before. I have loved her for over 10 years. She said that she loved me too but that she needed to do this on her own now. So we are done.
I need a break now from everything and especially from my family. I will never blame my wretched behaviors on anybody. I chose to do the wrong thing nobody made me but I still feel resentment towards everyone who helped me hurt my girl. I need to be alone now too.
Two weeks later.
I mentioned earlier that my fiance has been home on sick leave. Her best friend called me now and we talked my fiance is pregnant and she's terminating it. She doesn't want me with her when she goes through with it. I am shattered now and I don't know if I ever can collect the pieces. How life can turn upside down in a matter of weeks. I lost everything and I only have myself to blame.
Three weeks later.
My fiance called me today after her appointment at her shrink. She asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her. She looked so sad and it broke my heart. This was the first time I saw her after she moved out. I just wanted to hug her and break down crying, ask her forgiveness but I don't want to make it about me so I just kissed her cheek. She didn't talk for at least 30 minutes, just looked out of the window.
I waited. Then she told me that it didn't matter that I didn't hurt her intentionally. I just did. I agreed she started talking about her appointment with her gyno. She's six weeks. We have been trying for a year but we never made a big fuss, we just thought that if it happened it happened but I know that she wanted a baby and that's why her best friend told me because she was terrified that my fiance is going to regret it.
I told my fiance that it was absolutely 100 her choice whether she wanted to keep it or not. But that she should never do it either from a place of her to anger. She should do it's because it feels right for her. She then told me that she's going to think a little bit more she also told me that she was ready to talk to me about her life with her family but never in details and only in therapy sessions.
She also said that she was ready to listen to me and what's made me do this stupid thing to her but also only in therapy. She also told me that she doesn't want to move back with me and that she wanted to postpone the wedding. She refused to take the ring back and said she will ask for it when/if she thought we had a chance.
She said that if we separate she wants to know she's done everything. I told her I love her more than anything and she said she believed me and that she did too. We were starting therapy on Tuesday and will hopefully continue every week
I've spoken to her friend now and she said that my fiance looks like she's feeling a bit better after our lunch and that she even made a joke. So I'm hopeful.
Current time.
We are keeping the baby. I just want you to know that I love my girl. I have loved her for years, even before we got together and when she finally agreed to go out with me I started looking for rings. I have never done anything to hurt her before she knows this and I appreciate that she took it into consideration before throwing me out of her life.
What I did was unforgivable but sometimes good things can come from a bad situation. In our case, she will never have to carry that burden alone. I can finally share her secrets and support her. After her initial feelings of anger and betrayal have come down I can see that she's tortured and while she has been in therapy for years she still has a long way left or if she comes to terms with what happened. I'm just glad that I can continue this journey with her.
So we had our first session with a therapist. It was emotionally draining. I hated seeing her so hurt but I realized how important it was us. I always view her as this beautiful stubborn strong creature, and maybe I have handled her accordingly. She is tough so I can be tough. You get me beside therapy, she has asked for space and I would have obliged had she not called every night to talk for hours (how cute is that?)
Last night I asked her to move back and she didn't hang up. She didn't answer me first and we continued talking about other things. Before saying good night she told me that she wanted to come home. We will continue therapy but she is moving back tomorrow.
Thank You!
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