AM I AN A**HOLE FOR TELLING MY SISTER IN LAW I DON’T NEED HER PARENTING ADVICE AS SHE CLEARLY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING?

I (36f) have a beautiful baby boy (10 months old) who was christened last Saturday. My twin and his wife (41f) flew in for the christening with my nieces a seven and five. They live in another state and I paid for their flights because they live with the modest income and she is a stay-at-home mom.

The day of the christening, when they arrived, my son was crying and we tried his usual self-soothing techniques but it wouldn't stop. My sister-in-law said, we should just give him his pacifier. I told her we don't use pacifiers and he's never tried one.

Over the next few days it was a similar rodeo. Baby cry and we would use self-soothing techniques and sister-in-law would mention how pacifiers would soothe him.

Well, after the christening, upon her suggestion once again to give my crying son a pacifier, I snapped and in a room full of friends and family, I said, I would never take parenting advice from a 41 year old woman that still lives on her parent’s property, cannot hold down a job so she’s a “stay-at-home mom”, that my retired parents have to send money every month to help them make ends meet and his five-year-old still uses a pacifier to suit herself and proudly shows them off. A 5 year old whose mouth is so jagged and ruined that she and my brother will probably have to ask me and my husband for money for orthodontics care because they can't afford it. She's a prime example of what not to do in racing kids.

Well, obviously the room was silent and she ran off crying and she and my brother left. They only came back that evening but neither he nor my brother said anything to me. And they left the next day to the airport.

My brother said I have to apologize and it was unfair for me to throw their finances in their faces. While I apologized for that, I said I would not apologize for telling her the fact about my niece's situation and I told him that on multiple occasions both I and my husband (he’s a pediatrician) have warned them about the negative effects of a pacifier on a child My brother told me to mind my own business and I said I gladly would as long as his wife minded hers.

Now my parents are telling me to apologize again. Naturally my friends are on my side. So internet, am I an a**hole?

Edit:

1. To those saying I'm a bad parent because my son is constantly crying. He's teething and we have various self-soothing techniques we use including self-soothing music, his Sophie, his soothing support snuffle, etc.

2. On multiple occasions my husband did tell my brother and sister-in-law about the negative effects of pacifiers on a five-year-old because they ask because they are concerned. He's a pediatrician. They just failed to implement this medical advice.

3. I do not have a temper, I was very stressed. However I will be reaching out to sister-in-law in a few days to speak with her directly and apologize for my hurtful outburst.

4. The comments about the finances, yes, I am upset because my brother is upset about their finances and wants her to get a job to help burden the load (his words). He is in grad school after a layoff to get a better opportunity for his family. He wishes he would help she stopped where working six months into her first pregnancy and never went back.

Thank You.